One evening, a very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant patiently awaiting her date. While waiting, she decided to double-check that she looked perfect for him. So, she bent over in her chair to get a mirror from her purse on the floor.
Just then, with the waiter walking up, she accidentally farted at a significant volume. The lady immediately sat up straight, embarrassed and red-faced, and certain that everyone in the restaurant had heard. She quickly turned to the waiter and shouted, “Stop that!” The waiter, looking at her dryly, replied, “Sure lady. Which way was the duck headed?”
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
A woman walked into a department store to buy a rod and reel for her husband. She didn’t know which one to get, so she grabbed a red one and went over to customer service. A sales associate with dark shades on was standing nearby.
She said, “Excuse me sir … can you tell me anything about this fishing rod?”
He replied, “Miss, I’m blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.”
She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. The man said, “Thats a 7′ graphite rod with a Prism 442 reel and a 25 lb. test line… It’s great for fly-fishing lake trout and it costs $100.”
The very impressed woman stammered, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound it makes from dropping on the counter! I think it’s what I want, so I’ll take it.”
As the man walked around behind the counter to ring in the sale, the woman accidentally let out a big-time flapping fart. She flushed with embarrassment, but quickly realized that the blind man had no way to tell that it was her … he couldn’t see that she was the only person around.
He rang up the sale and motioned across the counter, “That will be $118.50.”
The woman replied, “But didn’t you just say that it was $100?”
He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $100.00, but the duck-call whistle is $15 and the catfish stink bait costs $3.50.”