The human body never ceases to amaze me. Today, I put in some breakfast cereal, several whole-grain rye crackers, carrots, a cheese sandwich, lemon rice and asparagus, and guess what came out? A series of suffocating, room-clearing fart bombs.

I had to stop unloading the dishwasher in the kitchen due to fart smell. My evening shower got cut short after blasting a big one in the enclosed gas (glass) chamber. I even had to leave the my computer for a few minutes while typing the first paragraph of this post.

Some guy at the office got caught in the first wave, back around 4:45pm. It was just when I realized my farts weren’t odorless anymore.

Fart-Meter:

• Stink factor: 8.5/10
• Volume: 4/10
• Characteristics: remarkably similar to sulphur stink bombs
• Trip to the John solved it: not looking good
• Fart Fuel: good good whole wheat Shreddies
• Casualties: me, one co-worker